How Do You Respond To Disagreement?

How do you respond when someone disagrees with you? This is a vital question for a married person. You can’t have a meaningful relationship with another human being without disagreeing about things. No two people are alike. No two people think alike.  You are going to disagree. The big question is not whether you will disagree, but how you disagree.

Many people have a response to disagreement that short-circuits their ability to negotiate or have any meaningful communication.  If you are secure about who you are and what you believe, you can listen to someone with another opinion and respond rationally. If you are insecure, you may respond with anger, hurt, or withdrawal.

Check your heart and see if you respond in any of these ways to disagreement:

• Some people have been hurt in the past and consider disagreement as a personal attack.  They will feel hurt and respond accordingly.
• Some people have had unstable lives and have a strong need to control others. They view disagreement as a threat to their control.  They may respond with anger or other forms of manipulation.
• Some people have very low opinions of themselves. They view disagreement as evidence that they need to abandon their viewpoint.

If you are a person who has a difficult time responding to disagreement, you may think that you should limit close relationships to people who will always agree with you or people who you can control. You are wrong. You need to grow and become secure enough that you can have a close relationship with someone who disagrees with you.

• If your behavior is based on hurt from the past, let God heal you by showing you His great love.  
• If you feel the need to control others, give God control of your life and recognize that He loves others with the same love He has for you.  
• If you have a low opinion of yourself, let God speak to you and show you that you are "fearfully and wonderfully made."

A good marriage requires healthy disagreements. Healthy disagreements require healthy people.