Major Decisions

In marriage there are thousands of opportunities for minor conflict, such as, whether the toilet seat is up or down and where the dirty socks go. But there are a few opportunities for major disagreement, such as, where you will live, whether you will try to have more children, and who will work.

We believe that marriage should be based on mutual respect, and that major decisions shouldn’t be made without both partners being in agreement. If you can’t agree on a major decision, we recommend that you pray about it together, daily, until you are both in agreement. We have practiced this ourselves for several major decisions in our lives. We found that when we pray persistently, we not only come into agreement with each other, but we gain the peace of knowing that we are following God’s will.

We once decided to spend a season of our lives living in a tough neighborhood as volunteers for an inner city ministry. We left a comfortable house in a safe neighborhood that we had lived in for 19 years and moved to a different state. It was not an easy decision. However, because we spent several weeks praying diligently before we made this decision, we made the move with peace and harmony. 

Some couples find it hard to pray together out loud. In some cases, one may be comfortable praying aloud with their spouse while the other finds it difficult. You can overcome the discomfort by starting to pray together in simple ways.  If you're the one who is uncomfortable praying aloud, start with something easy like thanking God for your meal.  Once you are used to praying together, you will find that you are able to pray together about things great and small.

Suppose you are considering taking a new job in a different state.  There may be several factors to consider, such as, increased income, moving away from or closer to friends and/or family, climate, comfort with your current home, the adventure of moving to a new home, etc.  In many cases you both really want most of the same things, but place differing weights on these factors.  You both would appreciate more income, you both want a home you like, you both value friends and family.  The more you talk and pray, the more your thoughts will come into alignment.

Waiting on major decisions until you are in agreement takes respect for each other and trust in God to lead you. However, if you will exercise patience and faith, we are convinced you will be pleased with the results.