Time Styles

In their book, Your Time-Starved Marriage, Les and Leslie Parrot introduce the concept of “time styles,” saying that we don’t all experience time in the same way.  A husband and a wife often look at time differently.  The Parrots describe four styles, depending on whether a person’s time is normally scheduled or unscheduled and whether a person is focused on the present or the future.

They call the person who is unscheduled and focused on the present, the “Improviser.”

The person who is scheduled and focused on the present they call, the “Manager.”

The scheduled person who is focused on the future is called the “Planner.”

If you are unscheduled and future oriented, they would call you the “Dreamer.” 

This useful concept can help us to recognize some of our differences and gives us the opportunity to show each other respect.  I fit the Parrots’ definition of a Planner and if I ask Shirley what time dinner will be ready, I’m expecting a specific answer like 5:30.  That would give me the opportunity to know what else I have time to do before dinner.  Shirley, who fits their definition of an Improviser, will give me an answer that names the things that remain to be done.  Her answer is that dinner will be ready when she’s done this, this, and that.  Of course, that gives me the opportunity to offer help with one of those tasks.

Because I'm a scheduled person, being on time has always been important to me, even if I forget to wear a belt. Because Shirley is unscheduled, being completely ready, even if she’s a little late, has always been important to Shirley.  This used to be a source of tension in our marriage.  Because we understand and respect each other, we've learned to support each other.  With these differences it is more useful for us to understand and support each other than it is to fight over the differences.

Like all our differences, if we treat each other with mutual respect our differences in time styles become a gift to each other.  If I treat my spouse with respect, her different view of things gives me the opportunity to see things where I may have otherwise had a blind spot.  Shirley’s focus on the present has often made her more compassionate when we are talking to someone who is going through hard times.  My future focus has often resulted in trying to help someone develop a to-do list to fix their problem when a listening ear and a compassionate heart would have been more useful.